uk Therapy

All the Rage!

Anger can dominate our lives. Our own anger and rage is triggered by many factors including the frustration of battling with the demands of work and home commitments, sitting in traffic jams, shoddy service and the fact that there seems to be less and less time to get everything done. Then there is the anger we witness or are subjected to by others – the boss who has her own agenda, the caller who has the world on his shoulders, and the colleague who thinks he knows better.

Due to the incredibly fast pace of our lives these days, I believe we live in a less forgiving society, leading to us being more stressed and more angry. Our out of control anger has reached ‘pandemic’ proportions, meaning that it is rife out in the world, and it is within us too – it is everywhere!

Anger and rage are big news. In newspapers, magazines, on TV and radio, a day does not go by without the reporting of some angry incident or other, ranging from neighbour disputes, to domestic violence and suicide bombers. Hollywood recognises the significance of anger problems with none other than Jack Nicholson starring in the recent film ‘Anger Management’.

Fly on the wall documentaries show programmes such as ‘Britain’s Angriest Man’, with ratings that prove people are very interested in watching. The recent series of ‘Big Brother’ seemed to come to life when people began to show their true emotions, the main one being their anger towards the behaviour of other housemates.

Alex Ferguson kicked the football boot into David Beckham’s head, John Prescott thumped an egg thrower, and Jamiroquai pop star Jay Kay was filmed attacking a photographer to name just a few recent incidents, are all connected to uncontrolled anger. It has been well documented that Roy Keane and John McEnroe (two of the most fiery sportsmen of recent years) are still benefiting from anger management programmes.

Some recent statistics show:

• (ICM poll Jan 2001- for All the Rage) 80% believe the UK has become an angrier society in the last decade;
• (The Times 1999) 85% are annoyed with people who do not turn off mobile phones during meetings;
• 75% complain people mislead or jam the copier/fax/printer;
• 60% of office workers are annoyed by people who spend their day gossiping or spreading rumours;
• 50% dislike colleagues talking loudly about their private lives, and hate people taking materials from their desk and not returning them;
• (Smithson Mason Gp) 45% of staff regularly lose their temper at work;
• (Symantec/NOP 2000) 50% of Britons have reacted to problems with their computer by either abusing colleagues, hitting the computer, screaming, shouting or hurling parts of the PC;
• 30% have witnessed physical attacks on computers;
• (Gallup) Britain is the top road rage country out of 16 European countries, and had 80.4% of drivers claiming to be involved in road rage;
• (RAC 2000) Indeed 50% of drivers have been the victim of Road Rage.

These statistics are born out with the many ‘rages’ now acknowledged in our society: Road Rage; Trolley Rage; PC Rage; Swimming Rage; Air Rage; Office Rage; Net Rage; Phone Rage, and many more. Rage in fact is ‘out of control’ anger. In many ways ‘anger’ draws a bad press, and this negative labelling does not give us the whole picture. Anger is a valid, healthy, natural feeling, which informs us when something is wrong.

Anger can be a motivating force for change and achievement, but as many of us learned from a very young age, it can also be dangerous and destructive. As children, it is vital that our caretakers accept our angry feelings. If these feelings are not acknowledged and respected we carry our hurt and resentments into adulthood. The inability to manage anger causes it to intensify and spread to anyone and anything that gets in our way, often harming the ones we love, work colleagues and those in authority.

As adults our angry behaviour falls into patterns, impacting on our mental and physical state. Unmanaged anger can have grave consequences, including ill health (studies show angry people suffer more heart attacks, high blood pressure, skin problems and even cancers), depression, anxiety, stress, loss of employment, and the breakdown of relationships.

In the words of anger management guru John Lee, 'Anger equals pain'.

Learning to express and manage our anger effectively can transform this pain into a healthy expression of anger without anyone being hurt. This is the gift of anger! Many people struggle with their own anger and how they express it. K.A.R.M. business programme participants learn the latest 'cutting-edge' methods in anger management, so they can continue the process in their lives. They are instructed in anger management using a selection of tools including: the art of conflict resolution; the 6 rules of anger management; our defence mechanisms; active listening; creating a support network, and many other exercises and techniques that encourage the safe, healthy expression of anger.

This gives them support to reduce conflict, anxiety, frustration and stress, helping to build self-esteem and confidence in their lives.

One participant said that, “the training has improved my relationship with my employer, I can now be honest to him and to myself”.

One of the 6 rules is, ‘Don’t take it personally’. This made a big impact on me as I worked for over 20 years serving customers in my own business. I remember a particular customer coming in with an attitude. Nothing I could do or say was right for him, and in the end we both became angry. I was pleased and relieved when he left but still felt angry, and the feeling went on for days! I had never seen this person before, and I have never seen him since. I now realise that I was ‘dumped on’, and that I took personally what was being said. If I had known the rule then (and it has happened many times since!) I would ask myself, 'is what is going on here anything to do with me, or has this person had a bad morning/day /life?' I would not have taken it personally, and then not got angry either.

People do not have to be afraid of their own or other people's anger. By taking part, business participants can discover where their anger really originates, and how to use it as a positive force in their life for themselves and others.

Where there is anger there is definitely hope!

For more information please contact:

Kent AngeR Management,
C/o Simon Millard,
2 Court Meadow,
Gillingham,
Kent.
ME8 6HT.

Tel: 01634-389121
Email: anger@karm3.co.uk
Web: www.karm3.co.uk

Simon Millard. (Adv. Dip. Couns. Ass. Mem. BAAM). Director K.A.R.M.