uk Therapy

Imagine you're in a room, with a group of people, perhaps chatting away and suddenly in walks a lion. An African, hair, teeth and claws, fully paid up member of the National Union of Carnivores and Allied Beasts, pads into the room and it's a bit peckish...

Now I don't know about you but I suspect that me and most of the room would be out the nearest window throwing other people behind them, but suddenly, the lion turns and spots him. There, stood in the middle of the room is a small sandy-haired man rubbing his hands together. Now this man is different because he's always dreamed about being a Lion-Tamer.

He's been practicing on the cat for years and finally he has got his chance with a real live lion and he's determined not to lose his opportunity.

So, what's the difference? It's the same lion, one-person jumps out the nearest window and another person rubs his hands. How is it that they both see the same thing differently? And what happens when instead of a lion an awkward customer comes into the shop or the boss comes into the office, what do you do, run and hide or rub your hands together?

The fact is that each is real to the individual. We each take in the information from the outside world, we Delete, Distort and Generalise it according to our model of the world and create our own reality based on what's inside our head. Neuro Linguistic Psychotherapy (NLPt) uses the idea that we work from and react to the world as we each make it inside our own head. We build our own unique map, which we believe to be reality and it genuinely is to us, although it might be different to someone else.

As a model of Psychotherapy, NLPt has several distinct differences from other forms of therapy. Firstly, it is very solution focussed in that an NLPt therapist will always want to know what your outcome is from the therapy or even from each session. It may seem like a dumb question to ask, “What do you want from therapy?” Isn't it obvious, but is it? Stop and think, what do you want from therapy? Many people know what they don't want, they don't want this problem, or they don't want to feel like that or even be in this relationship but if I were to say to you “Don't think of a jumping blue kangaroo” how many of you are thinking of exactly that? A lot of people focus on the problem, spending a terrific amount of energy striving to defeat it whereas if you can simply think about a solution, you can start your path towards it.

Secondly NLPt is very interested in the structure and process of how you run your life, rather than the tiny detail. A prospective client will come in with what is termed a presenting problem, maybe they have low self-esteem, or they can't lose weight or even they cry every time they see a movie. Often when you talk to them there are other issues in their life they are unhappy with, maybe they drink too much, or can't sleep properly or kick the dog. The question I always ask is “Do all the issues form a pattern and does that pattern repeat in other areas of your life?” How does that pattern indicate what is the root problem such that if you were able to deal with that one, all the others would melt away. In addition, because I am interested in the pattern often I don't need the story behind the pattern. I don't need to know all the horrible details of what happened during the horrible incident. Maybe they want to talk about what happened because that would help, and some clients are glad that it can be done content free and it isn't essential to tell.

Thirdly, NLPt can be a relatively quick form of therapy. Since it is outcome focussed and looks at pattern, structure and process rather all the content of a person's life, sometimes it can appear to be very brief. Some may be suspicious that a client can complete in under 12 hours of therapy when they may quote 30 or 50 hours or even several years for change. I would counter that by saying who said suffering had to be prolonged? If a client tries a few hours of outcome focussed therapy and it doesn't work then they can still go on to do something else without much wasted. If instead they tried several years of another therapy then decide it's not for them that's a lot wasted.

For some, however, NLPt is not for them. Some clients will want the stability that long-term therapy brings with it. They need to know that they have the support because they genuinely believe that therapy is a long process and every journey is composed of a series of small steps. Others will not take to the idea that the answer is inside their own head because of what that means for their life so far. Personally, I believe we are who we are because of everything that has happened to us rather than despite it. Its about understanding what has gone before in order to be different, if we go around blaming it how can we be truly free. If an alcoholic comes for therapy because he believes alcohol has control over him and seeks therapy and cuts down to zero and never drinks again, has he really changed? His consumption of alcohol may have changed but has he really changed his relationship with alcohol? What's different in the dynamic between that carbon based life form and the simple organic molecule known as ethanol? Do you feel you are driving the bus of your life, or are you a passenger on the back seat being driven?

Mark Wake runs the Newby Hypnotherapy Centre in Middlesbrough

Tel: 01642 324827, Email: newbyhypnosis@aol.com

www.newbyhypnosis.co.uk